Have You Seen Her?

2003: Near my London flat.

I'm very proud of the young lady in the above picture. She quit her "good" job to chase a dream of living abroad, in expensive a** London specifically. Nevermind that she was unemployed for over a year when she returned home to the States. Somehow, she managed to never get behind in any of her bills with freelance work and a part-time retail gig. Never mind that she didn't stay as long as she originally planned to either. She still jet-setted all around Europe and even spent an eventful night at Gatwick Airport trying to get to Prague (never made it to Prague but the memories are priceless nonetheless).

I'm also proud of the young woman who purchased her maternal grandparent's home (and the acres of land it sits on) because she wanted the property to stay in the family. Had she thought about it too much she probably would not have done it. Sure becoming a homeowner was an important goal of hers but making sure that her kin's strong legacy was maintained was far greater. The process all went by sort of quickly and she even impresses herself to know that she pulled it off and is not only a homeowner but a landlord. All by age 30.

And then there is the woman who took a chance on love (and still is quite frankly) simply to please herself -- no one or nothing else. She honestly still questions her decision from time to time but always comes to the same conclusion: He makes my heart smile. Love is one thing but forgiving? That forgiving thing is strictly for grown folks. I'm not talking about blind forgiveness either, that would just be dumb. But letting your guard down long enough to allow yourself to be happy...I'm overwhelmingly proud of her for that.

So where has this woman gone? If she's been able to accomplish all these things, why won't she get out of her own way long enough to complete that project she's been talking about for over a year? Maybe it is because she worries that at 33, she isn't where she "should" be in her career. Maybe it is because she wonders if she is indeed too idealistic in thinking that she can have it all (in due time): the career she dreams about, the hubby and the kid or kids. And while everyone tells her how proud he would be/is of her accomplishments, she still occasionally ponders on whether she has made (and will continue to make) her father proud.

But lately, she realizes that her career path is not straight but she really wouldn't have it any other way. The hubby and the kids will not be enjoyable if she's not happy with who she is first. (She got that gem from DVF herself.) And truthfully, she's gonna disappoint her Dad and herself here and there. But how lame would life be if she didn't make some mistakes? Every now and again we all lose sight of ourselves but thank goodness I found the woman in the picture. And thank God she's back and ready to rock!

(Writing about myself in 3rd person is wierd but I had to do this. It was like therapy. Thanks for understanding that I needed PPT to be my journal for this post.)